A Love That Changed Me

Love has a way of revealing things to us—about ourselves, about what we deserve, about what we need to heal. Our time together was brief, but it was intense, passionate, and transformative. It was filled with moments of tenderness and moments of chaos, but through it all, there was care. There was something real. Something that touched me deeply and changed my perspective on love and self-worth.

He showed me that I deserve good things. That I deserve to be treated well, to be given to, to be poured into. I didn't have to beg for it or prove my worth—he just did it. He enjoyed it. And that, in itself, was a revelation. But love is never just the highs; it's also the struggles, the growing pains, the moments that test us. We had those too. And while some of them were rooted in toxicity, I know they were also rooted in deep feelings, in the complexity of two people carrying their own wounds, trying to love despite the weight of their own battles.

I met him at a time when I wasn’t my best self. I had just lost my mother. I was stuck in a toxic job. I was grieving, I was struggling, I was surviving. And maybe that’s why I held on so tightly—because in the midst of my chaos, he was something I could feel. Something I could experience outside of my pain. But I know now that we were bleeding on each other when neither of us made the cuts. We were two souls trying to find solace in one another, even when we weren’t in the space to love each other properly.

Letting go is hard. It’s harder when the feelings still linger, when the memories still feel fresh, when the body still craves the intimacy, not just for the act itself, but for the closeness, the connection, the escape. With him, it felt like we created our own world, our own portal, our own space outside of everything else. And now, that space no longer exists. And I have to accept that.

I don’t have control over this. God does. And I trust that whatever is meant for me will find me. Whether it’s him in another time, another space, or someone else entirely, only time will tell. But I do know that the love I seek, the depth, the care, the passion—I will experience it again. I am deserving of it, not because someone else gave it to me, but because I now know it is my birthright.

I pray for healing. I pray for release. I pray for clarity. And most of all, I pray that the love meant for me—pure, aligned, and abundant—will find its way to me in divine timing.

You know who you are. I know you see me. I love you. But I also love me. And I choose me.