Bad Bitches Have Bad Days Too

I’ve been feeling overwhelmed. That kind of soul-deep exhaustion where you realize some things just don’t matter the way you thought they did. Like that man you met two weeks ago who turned out to be a waste of time—but at least you didn’t sleep with him, because that would’ve made it even worse. Or starting a new job, finding people you vibe with, meeting one of the few Black women in the firm—only to realize she’s not a friend, she’s a foe. And that stings, because you actually wanted her to be a friend.

I know this is personal to my life right now, but I also know some of y’all have felt this before—maybe not in the same way, but at the core. Betrayal. Regret. Grief. Frustration. Anger.

I’ve said it before—I always feel like I’m running out of time, like I’m playing catch-up with my own life. But my dad keeps reminding me I’m doing just fine, that I’m moving at my own pace. Still, something hit me when we talked about marriage. He got quiet, then said, we’ll work on that if you get there. And that pissed me off. No affirmations, no reassurance—just an if. Then he started talking about his failed marriage with my mom. His mom’s failed marriage with his abusive, drug-addicted stepdad. His sister’s failed marriage. But what he didn’t say was that none of these people were whole. They weren’t healing, they weren’t self-aware, they weren’t trying to be better. They were broken, lost souls.

And I refuse to be one of them.

My mom and my dad’s stepdad died as unfulfilled souls—at least in my unsolicited, unprofessional opinion. But you don’t need a psychology degree to see the hurt in people. It shows up in the way they speak, the way they give up on life, the way they numb themselves with substances. Instead of healing, they made everyone around them suffer.

But I refuse to suffer because of insecure people.

I will keep shining, even when people try to dim my light. Everywhere I go, there’s someone competing with me—when all I want is collaboration, love, light, peace, and blessings for everyone. You’d think I’d be used to this by now, but I still get caught up in how things should be. And I’m tired of the crabs-in-a-bucket mentality, especially when it comes from people who look like me.

Shit sucks. And I’m tired. Really tired. But no one ever listens. No one ever cooperates. So I’ll keep writing. Keep talking to my friends and my dad when they have the patience for my passionate monologues.

I dream of a world rooted in peace, love, community, collaboration, and kindness. And I’m starting to lose hope that I’ll see it in my lifetime. But in the meantime, I’ll build my own. I’ll create my own space, my own brand, my own business—where I control the energy in my orbit.

Until then, I pray the right people find me. I pray peace flows through me. I pray God continues to guide me. Because these weapons will keep forming. But they will never, ever prosper.