How to Love

Love is an action. A choice. A commitment. It’s not just a feeling that comes and goes depending on the day. It’s something we must practice—with ourselves, our friends, and our partners.

But love, when it’s real, doesn’t leave you confused. It doesn’t pull you away from yourself. It doesn’t ask you to abandon the people who’ve always been there for you. Love, in its truest form, makes you better. It strengthens your foundation, rather than shaking it.

Loving Yourself First

If you don’t know how to love yourself, you’ll accept anything in the name of love. You’ll make excuses for mistreatment, tolerate inconsistency, and pour from an empty cup. Loving yourself is about more than just affirmations and self-care routines—it’s about setting standards and actually standing on them.

Loving yourself means:

• Showing up for yourself the way you show up for others.

• Not shrinking to make someone else comfortable.

• Recognizing your own needs and prioritizing them.

Too many of us give away all our love and leave none for ourselves. But the truth is, the way you love yourself sets the standard for how others love you.

Loving Your Friends Like You Mean It

A lot of people don’t talk about how friendships require just as much love and care as romantic relationships. Your friends are your chosen family. The ones who see you, hold you, and pour into you even when there’s no romantic thrill attached. So why do so many people put them second to people who may not even be around in a few months?

I have a friend who will spend money she doesn’t truly have, cancel plans, overlook her friends, and ignore her own needs just to keep a man happy. She’ll bend over backward for someone who wouldn’t do the same for her, yet when it comes to the people who have always had her back, she’s suddenly “too busy” or “not in the mood.” And I see this happen all the time.

Let me be clear: love should not make you abandon your people. If you’re in a relationship that’s pulling you away from the people who genuinely care about you, you need to take a step back and ask yourself why. True love doesn’t isolate you—it integrates into your life in a way that makes everything better.

Love your friends by:

• Prioritizing them, even when you’re in love.

• Showing up the way you want them to show up for you.

• Not taking them for granted just because they’ll always be there.

Loving Your Partner the Right Way

Love in a romantic sense is beautiful, but it’s only as strong as the foundation it’s built on. A good relationship doesn’t bring chaos. It doesn’t have you losing yourself or neglecting the people who matter. It brings clarity. Peace. It makes you show up as the best version of yourself.

But love is also a choice. It’s waking up every day and choosing to be kind, to be patient, to extend grace. Real love requires compassion—not just when it’s easy, but especially when it’s hard. And compassion isn’t just feeling sorry for someone. It’s understanding their humanity, holding space for their struggles, and still choosing to love them anyway.

That said, compassion doesn’t mean making excuses for repeated harm. Mistakes are inevitable, but what we learn from them is what matters. If someone keeps hurting you the same way, it’s not a mistake—it’s a pattern. And love should never feel like a cycle of pain.

Love your partner by:

• Choosing them every day, not just when it’s convenient.

• Communicating with honesty and kindness.

• Making space for their growth while honoring your own.

Love Should Elevate, Not Diminish

At the end of the day, love should never require you to betray yourself. It should not be rooted in fear, insecurity, or self-sacrifice. Real love—whether it’s with yourself, your friends, or your partner—should nourish you. It should make you feel seen, valued, and understood.

If love is constantly making you question your worth, your friendships, or your sense of self, then it’s not love. It’s something else in disguise.

So love wisely. Love fully. But most of all, love in a way that honors you.