Soft Wanting

Lately, I’ve been noticing a quiet shift in how I experience desire.

Not the loud, consuming kind.

Not the kind that rushes me into meaning or makes me grip tightly at potential.

But something slower. Warmer. More intentional.

I’m learning not to rush affection.

I’m learning to enjoy connection without needing to define it immediately.

I’m learning that I don’t have to cling to things—or people—to feel secure.

There’s someone in my life right now who has been teaching me patience and self-control without even trying. Just by being present. Just by showing up as they are. Just by allowing space instead of urgency.

I like them. I like their presence. I like how my body responds when we’re close. I like holding hands and feeling time stretch instead of speed up. I like wanting to kiss them and choosing to wait. Not because I’m denying myself—but because I’m honoring myself.

This is new for me.

In the past, attraction often pulled me forward faster than my nervous system could keep up. I confused intensity with intimacy. I mistook chemistry for compatibility. I rushed toward certainty because uncertainty felt unsafe.

But now, I don’t need answers right away.

I don’t need to know where this is going.

I don’t need to make them mine.

I don’t need to perform, overgive, or prove anything.

I can simply be here.

I’m noticing how good it feels to stay present.

How grounding it is to let moments unfold naturally.

How empowering it is to trust myself enough to slow down.

There are still flickers of old patterns—moments where my mind wants reassurance or clarity—but I don’t shame myself for them. I just notice them. I breathe. I come back to my body.

I’m learning that affection doesn’t have to be frantic to be real.

That desire doesn’t have to be rushed to be honored.

That connection can be gentle and still deeply alive.

Right now, I’m not chasing outcomes.

I’m not building stories in my head.

I’m not abandoning myself for the sake of possibility.

I’m enjoying the sweetness of what’s here.

I’m letting curiosity lead instead of fear.

I’m choosing patience.

I’m choosing self-control.

And for the first time in a long time, that choice feels like freedom.