Healing Before Love

I truly don’t believe we can align with our forever lovers, our soulmates, or our true life partners without first doing the work of healing.

Someone once told me that a good relationship could heal you, but I think that’s false. A relationship can support your healing, it can offer safety and comfort, but it cannot be the cure. Healing is an inside job. You must first become whole. You must love yourself, know yourself, and pour into yourself before you can genuinely give yourself to another.

Depending on someone else for your happiness is a disservice to yourself. You will never be fully satisfied if your peace and joy come from outside of you. There’s a deep level of inner work required to foster any good, sustainable relationship—especially a lifelong partnership. Yes, partners can help each other feel safe. Yes, they can soothe old wounds and soften harsh expectations. But they cannot complete you.

I know this because of my last two relationships. Both men were on their own healing journeys, so I can’t say if things would have worked out differently had I been fully healed. But I noticed something: I still felt insecure about my place in their lives, without reason. I needed them for validation. I chose spending more time in their presence—or wrapped up in sex—over sitting with myself, writing, or confronting my own shadows. Even when things were good, I was still searching for myself in them.

That’s when I realized: the more I needed was me. Not because they were inadequate, but because I hadn’t yet learned how to fill my own cup.

I also believe in divine timing. What is for me will not miss me. Sometimes it takes time for us to align with what is meant for us—for the person, the friend, or the opportunity to meet us where we are. But none of that alignment is possible if we’re still viewing life through the lens of trauma. Love, light, and wellness cannot be fully comprehended while operating in survival mode. In fight or flight, even genuine guidance or gentle correction can feel like control. That’s not love—that’s ego.

Love liberates. Ego restricts.

To truly be good to others, to truly allow ourselves to receive good things, we must heal. Otherwise, we spend our lives questioning whether we deserve joy, love, abundance, or peace. The truth is: we are worthy of it all. We are deserving of it all.

Abundance is our birthright.

Peace is our birthright.

Love and happiness are our birthrights.

The universe wants us to thrive—not just to get by, not just to survive one day at a time, but to shine. And healing is the key that unlocks that life.